I know I’ve been vague about my thoughts and feelings regarding family matter, but I wrote a post around September of last year about my grandpa, who I love and will always love no matter what. But last year, my grandpa was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer… even now, I still don’t know what type of cancer it was – just that he had a tumor in his brain, kidneys, and lungs. And it’s unbelievable, how someone can go through their whole life as a healthy man and then develop cancer of all things.
But on March 27th, my grandpa passed away. Am I glad that I was there to see him take his last breath? Very much so. I had the opportunity to kiss him one last time and hold his hand even though he couldn’t see or talk anymore. But I’m just so… angry. He was only 62! In a year, I would have graduated from university, my sister would be graduating in two months… I wanted him to live to see his great grandchildren, to see me get married, to just enjoy the rest of his life beside my grandma and the family he built from nothing after he escaped Vietnam.
This man, my grandpa, was the most generous and kindest man I have ever known throughout my entire life. He loved me, never once treated me any differently because I was a girl, and supported me no matter what I decided to do. I could walk into a room and he would make me feel so loved with the way he engulfed me in a tight, warm hug and how he would kiss me on my cheeks. He loved every single one of his grandchildren and it wasn’t until he fell sick that he made sure to tell me he loved me every single time he saw me.
And I think what makes this all so heartbreaking is that he had wanted to keep on living… he had hope that he would get better, even when he was suffering and some days it was painful to get up and move. But he pushed on and even though he was hurting, he always showed us his good side and tried to remain in a happy mood whenever his grandchildren were around.
I just… miss him. More than anything. And although I made sure to visit him every chance I got, I just wish I could have told him that I loved him just as he did for me. But I know that if anything, he knew how loved he was. I’ve been trying not to think about his death and everything he had left that he wanted to do, mainly because it leaves me heartbroken.
But I hope that wherever he is now, he’s enjoying himself. I miss and love you, Ong Ngoai.